All the Wrong Places NG
From ScriptWiki
<title>All the Wrong Places NG</title>
<author>Alan Batie, et al</author>
In 1998, I took an intro filmmaking class, which shot on 8mm film. Given the audio sync limitations of that format, I stylized it as a classic silent film, however also given modern video technology, thought I could do better (though I do rather like the way the style worked in the class film). But that means coming up with a real script. I took a screenwriting class shortly after, and got the first 8-9 pages of something I rather liked, but wasn't sure where to go from there. Maybe if I put it up here, something will jog, or someone else will have a good idea to carry it forward...
<scene ext day>residential</scene>
Rainbow flags fly from several houses along an otherwise typical, older, but well maintained, residential street.
<scene ext day>Adam's house</scene>
At one house, not yet flying such a flag, several men unload a moving van. ADAM, in his early 30's, obviously in charge, stands at the front door overseeing the operation. HAROLD, in his late 20's, a professional body builder who could be a Tom of Finland model, picks up an antique mirror and stumbles, narrowly averting disaster.
- ADAM
- Be careful with that, Harry! It's 300 years old!
RICHARD, a mountain man with a neatly trimmed beard in his
mid-30s, and GREG, also in his mid-30s, maneuver a dresser
and start to follow Harold down the ramp. GREG is a typical
boy next door, but is looking a little nerdly with a cell
phone and a small computer, a little bigger than a PDA, on
his belt.
ADAM (CONT'D)
Be careful with that Har-OLD. It's
still 300 years OLD.
RICHARD
At least that's what the cute
salesboy told him.
They stop for a moment and GREG holds up a hand with his
thumb and first finger apart.
GREG
Is that the same one who said that
this is 8 inches?
ADAM
Very funny. The mirror goes in the
living room and the dresser in the
master bedroom.
HAROLD, GREG AND RICHARD
(in unison)
Yes, MASTER.
They laugh, Adam grins, and they all disappear into the
house.
EXT. STEVE'S HOUSE - DAY
A classic old-style porch fronts a traditional home. STEVE
stands at one end of his porch watering plants and watches
the goings on of Adam and company --- especially ADAM.
After a moment, he turns and goes back into his house.
EXT. ADAM'S HOUSE - DAY
The men come out of the house and go into the truck for
another load.
ADAM
Let's get the entertainment center
next. It's going to take all of us.
They all stare at the very large entertainment center and
wipe the sweat off their foreheads.
RICHARD
Couldn't you have dialed a little
cooler weather into that computer of
yours, Greg?
STEVE
(off camera)
Perhaps this will help...
The guys turn in unison. There stands STEVE outside the
truck with a tray full of frosted glasses and a pitcher of
lemonade.
STEVE (CONT'D)
You boys look like you might be
able to use a little something to
drink in this faab-u-lous weather
we're having.
They go to the back of the truck, where STEVE sets down the
tray, points at GREG and waggles his finger.
STEVE (CONT'D)
And don't you dare dial it any
cooler in whatever gadget you have
there. My plants just adore this!
STEVE starts pouring glasses of lemonade for the crew.
They thank him as they pick up their glasses, but the
conversation continues.
STEVE (CONT'D)
(looks to Adam)
By the way, I'm Steve, your new
door neighbor.
(grandly)
Welcome to Paradise.
ADAM
I'm Adam, and these are my friends
Richard, Greg and Harold.
STEVE
So, what brings you to my neck of
the woods?
All but ADAM roll their eyes. GREG beats them to the punch.
GREG
The Zookeeper.
ADAM frowns at GREG; GREG grins in response.
STEVE
You were shacking up with the
chimpanzees and the zookeeper kicked
you out?
ADAM
He means my ex. First it was just
a single bird...
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. ADAM'S PREVIOUS LIVING ROOM - DAY
ADAM sits on a couch reading a magazine in a small, very
tidy living room. There are several more magazines very
carefully stacked on the coffee table. THOMAS, a
hairstylist in his late 20s, enters sporting the latest in
hair design. He shows ADAM a birdcage with a brightly
colored PARAKEET in it.
THOMAS
Isn't he pretty?
(then to the bird)
And you're soooo sweet too!
Thomas sets the cage down on the coffee table, then reaches
in and the bird hops onto his finger. He lifts the bird up
towards ADAM.
THOMAS (CONT'D)
See? Isn't he sweet?
ADAM looks skeptical, but reaches out a finger. The bird
SQUAWKS, then nips at it.
INT. ADAM'S PREVIOUS LIVING ROOM - DAY
The parakeet is in a small cage between the chairs. THOMAS
shows ADAM a PARROT. One of the magazines is out of place
on the coffee table.
ADAM
(V.O.)
Then it was two...
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. ADAM'S PREVIOUS LIVING ROOM - DAY
A several cages of birds have been squeezed in amongst the
furniture. The magazines are scattered all over the table.
ADAM
(V.O.)
...then ten...
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. ADAMS PREVIOUS LIVING ROOM DAY
Now, a huge aviary fills a large portion of the room.
Furniture has been removed to make room for it. The coffee
table is one of the items missing. There are smaller cages
on each side of the aviary, and all are filled with BIRDS,
plants, bird toys, etc. Magazines are on the floor around
the cages to catch droppings. Others are scattered
haphazardly around what little furniture remains, some open.
There is a CACOPHONY of bird cheeps, chirps and squawks.
ADAM (V.O.) (V.O.)
then a hundred and ten.
EXT. ADAMS HOUSE DAY
STEVE looks at ADAM in amazement. HAROLD, RICHARD and GREG
shake their heads. RICHARD and GREG try to feign boredom,
but their amusement shows through.
ADAM
I could have dealt with that, but
it wasnt enough for him
DISSOLVE TO
INT. ADAMS PREVIOUS LIVING ROOM DAY
A large salt-water aquarium sits at one end of the room;
the only piece of furniture remaining is a single chair. The
magazines not used for bird droppings are trying
unsuccessfully to lean up against the base of the aquarium.
There are a number of FISH in the aquarium. An IGUANA rests
on THOMAS shoulder as he feeds the fish. Adding to the
cacophony are the sounds of the aquarium pumps and bubbling
aerators. THOMAS sports a Mohawk, and with the iguanas head
next to his, the resemblance to the iguanas crest is obvious.
ADAM (V.O.) (V.O.)
he had to have fish too, and then
an iguana, and then
DISSOLVE TO
INT. ADAMS PREVIOUS BEDROOM NIGHT
A small aquarium sits on top of the bookcase headboard of
the bed, and small birdcages grace the nightstands on either
side of the bed. In the bed, THOMAS and ADAM passionately
make out while the birds CHIRP lightly in the background.
The bedsheets cover their lower bodies until
ADAM
Ouch! God Damn!
ADAM throws off the covers, and something small and furry
disappears from under them into the dark. It is SHERLOCK,
THOMAS FERRET. ADAM rubs his ankle.
THOMAS
What is it? Are you ok?
ADAM turns to THOMAS.
ADAM
No, Im not ok. Your damn ferret
just bit me.
THOMAS looks shocked and jumps up to find and comfort the
frightened ferret.
ADAM (CONT'D)
Ive had it! Either these animals
go, or I do!
THOMAS
Sherlock! Its ok, he didnt mean to
scare you!
ADAM
Scare HIM!?
THOMAS stops and looks at ADAM.
THOMAS
You dont mean that? You wouldnt
leave me would you?
EXT. ADAMS PREVIOUS HOUSE DAY
A moving van pulls out of the driveway.
EXT. ADAMS HOUSE DAY
The group stares in amazement at ADAM.
GREG
Fortunately, my zookeeper leaves
his pets in the wild.
GREG puts his arms around RICHARD as STEVE gives GREG a
puzzled look.
RICHARD
Im a park ranger, and I spend most
of my time keeping track of the
wildlife.
HAROLD
And sometimes even the animals in
the park!
GREG
Weve been together 5 years now.
ADAM
And at this rate its going to take
another 5 years to get unloaded They
get up and put their empty glasses
back on the tray.
ALL
(individually)
Thanks!
EXT. ADAMS HOUSE DAY
ADAMs back patio is the scene of a barbecue. A couple of
dozen people are talking and drinking, while ADAM grills.
Steve is opening a beer at the drink cooler, but his eyes
are on ADAM.
HAROLD
Since were neighbors, lets be more
than friends?
STEVE jumps and almost spills his beer.
HAROLD (CONT'D)
Sorry, but I couldnt help noticing
the holes you were drilling in Adams
back. He will make someone a good
catch someday. Want to apply?
STEVE
What are you? His social secretary?
HAROLD
Oh heavens no! We had our fun, but
neither of us were ready to settle
down. I dont think I ever will, but
Adam, hes the marryin kind. Only
trouble is, hes rather like
Goldilocks: (in a high voice) "Too
soft", "Too hard".
Harold gives Steve that youve got to be kidding look.
HAROLD (CONT'D)
"Too hot", "Too cold" (now in an
attempt to imitate Yoda) "Never
just right is anyone".
STEVE gives HAROLD a bottom-to-top once-over, ending at his
eyes.
STEVE
Just Right is all relative
ADAM stops grilling for a moment to survey his guests and
spots HAROLD and STEVE flirting. RICHARD and GREG come over.
RICHARD
Looks like Harold and Steve are
hitting it off well
ADAM
Yeah. Yeah, it does.
ADAM doesnt look too happy about it though.
INT. GAY PIANO BAR - NIGHT
RICHARD, GREG and ADAM sit at a table in the back of a
small, relatively quiet, piano bar. There are mostly guys
at the other tables, and a PIANO nearer the front is being
played.
ADAM
so it looks like Harold and Steve
are hitting it off quite well.
GREG
You dont sound too happy for them.
Do you still have a thing for
Harold, or are you falling for Steve?
ADAM
Harold? No, thats ancient history.
His attention span lasts about two
weeks.
RICHARD
So it is Steve then?
ADAM
Noooo, I mean hes ok, but I dont
think hes Mr. Right by any means.
GREG
And who would Mr. Right be this
week?
ADAM
Very funny. You know what I like
--- beefy hunks with a brain. Pecs
of death
RICHARD
and 6-pack abs. Harold, in other
words.
ADAM
No! I told you, thats history.
The WAITER stops by the table on his rounds. He is very
well built, and his clothes are tight fitting, showing off
his body.
WAITER
Can I get you boys anything?
INT. GAY DANCE BAR - NIGHT
ADAM, RICHARD and GREG have just gotten their drinks in a
typical, crowded, dance bar. Loud DANCE MUSIC drowns out
any hope of conversation, though the CHAOTIC NOISE of the
various attempts make up the remainder of the sounds.
The small group makes their way over to the dance floor.
THOMAS is dancing in one corner, and there is a clear area
around him. Nearby dancers are keeping a wary eye on him,
careful not to get too close, but he is oblivious to this.
Hes too engrossed in the music and incorporating the SNAKE
he has looped about him into his dance movements. His hair
is flared a bit and dyed to look like a cobra hood.
ADAM, RICHARD and GREG put their drinks down and start
dancing. A MUSCULAR MAN watches them with a calculating
look, then also goes out and starts dancing near them. He
and ADAM make eye contact. Muscular Man smiles, and ADAM
smiles back. They start dancing with each other in an
increasingly sensual way. Eventually, they start kissing
and whispering in each others ears. Finally, Adam goes over
to Richard and Greg, says something to them, then leaves
with Muscular Man. Richard and Greg watch, then look at
each other, shake their heads and continue dancing.
INT. ADAMS BEDROOM NIGHT
ADAM and Muscular Man are kissing standing next to the bed.
In the background is a bookcase full of books mostly, but
there is a BOOM BOX on top and the top interior shelf is
filled with CDs. There are also a few laying next to the
boom box, as well as wad of CASH.
The two undress each other and fall onto the bed.
INT. ADAMS BEDROOM DAY
ADAM wakes up the next morning and rolls onto his side
facing the other half of the bed. He discovers that its
empty, then notices that the entire room, save the bed, is
empty, stripped bare. He groans and falls back down onto
his pillow, staring at the ceiling.
EXT. STEVE'S FLOWERBED - DAY
STEVE is weeding one of his flower beds, the one which
borders ADAMs front yard. ADAM is talking to STEVE as he
weeds.
ADAM
and the room was stripped bare.
STEVE tries to be sympathetic, but its just barely working.
STEVE
How you could have slept through
your room being stripped?
ADAM
We had a nightcap after, well,
maybe a few nightcaps...
STEVE
I see.
ADAM
Speaking of which, you and Harold
have been seeing each other for
what, two weeks now?
STEVE
(laughing)
Something like that. Well see what
comes of it.
From here on is more of a tentative plot outline, though
I'm not really happy with it
FIRST CRISIS HALLOWEEN PARTY
STEVE mistakes ADAM for HAROLD and flirts with him. This
is the first time theyve had to deal with their attraction
face-to-face, and they brush it off. THOMAS is dressed as a
Tasmanian Devil and has a rabbit with him.
THANKSGIVING
At Thanksgiving, the five all go to Hawaii to spend a week
hiking the Na Pali Coast of Kauai.
They meet up with Joe, a travel agent from Honolulu and
end up hitting it off and Joe joins the group in their
explorations. v
Joe and Harold develop an attraction, trying to hide it
from Steve, while Steve and Adams attraction builds (yet
they keep suppressing it).
Richard and Greg watch it all with pointed commentary,
trying to get Steve and Adam together without getting
directly involved. These attempts are to have humorous
results, almost slapstick.
The tension builds until a final moment when Harold decides
that a week with Joe was fun, but enough.
Greg plays with his gadgets for a subplot.
Harolds not really in love with Steve either though, so
they break up and Steve and Adam finally acknowledge their
attraction and commit to each other.
